Maybe, because of my collaboration and befriending with many mummy bloggers, through my social media work with Orchard Toys, I have come to meditate more on my childless state.
Maybe reading your blogs, looking at your photos and tweeting with you about your children, the days out with your children, their childhood illnesses and the loss of your children, has made me think that there’s something missing in my life, not having a child of my own. Not, that is, to continue my ‘line’, I don’t give a toss about that, but a living being that would need me, that I could teach, and from whom I could learn. A child that would give meaning to my life.
I was never one of those women who felt the need to procreate. To be honest, the thought of swelling up like a whale, was never appealing. The thought of the actual birth really didn’t do anything for me either.
I had friends, when I was in my 20s, who decided to go through the experience of carrying a child and childbirth, because God had given them the body to do it. They wanted to experience being pregnant, and they wanted to have a baby. The man was just the means to the end.
I always thought that to love somebody and to have their child was the ultimate experience, but somehow I was never in the right place at the right time.
Many articles have been written about the menopause. All the different ways it affects the female body, but I have never, ever seen any articles about how it can affect you mentally. That is if you are childless. Knowing that the your body clock is ticking, that the ‘change of life’ is imminent and that you are childless.
I had always thought, at the back of my mind, that I would have children. We all think that don’t we? Coming to terms with the onset of the menopause and the realisation of “Well, that’s it, no babies for me” is quite something to come to terms with. Why don’t journalists write articles about it? Why isn’t counselling available?
Still, I have got past that all now and am looking towards another milestone in my life, retirement. How will I cope after having been brought up with a strong work ethic? Suddenly to find that I am not ‘earning my living’ any longer? To not have to get up in the morning to go to work? How will I cope, with the sudden change in my regime?
About this I have no fears. I have many projects, as you will see if you follow my blog. It will be a new world of learning about life, and myself, and I welcome it with open arms.